yearning for a passion that feels almost unattainable

A PASSION FOR THEE
Set my heart, O dear Father,
On Thee, and Thee only,
Give me a thirst for Thy presence divine.
Lord, keep my focus on loving Thee wholly,
Purge me from earth; Turn my heart after Thine.

A passion for Thee;
O Lord, set a fire in my soul, and a thirst for my God.
Hear Thou my prayer, Lord, Thy power impart.
Not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.

Father fill with Thy Spirit, and fit me for service,
Let love for Christ every motive inspire,
Teach me to follow in selfless submission,
Be Thou my joy and my soul's one desire.

A passion for Thee;
O Lord, set a fire in my soul, and a thirst for my God.
Hear Thou my prayer, Lord, Thy power impart.
Not just to serve, but to love Thee with all of my heart.

It seems that this has been the cry of my heart for the past few months in my Christian walk. It has been some ride (and still is)! Some days I feel like I'm at the brink of this desired passion, other days I feel like a failure. I don't want there to be anything between my soul and the Savior, but sometimes it seems like I am wading in useless junk that occupies my thoughts, and time. At times, I have to analyze my motives to answer the question, "Who exactly am I trying to please??". More times than not, it's ME, MYSELF, and I. And to be honest......I can't please myself no matter how hard I try. What a waste of time!
Basically I am discontent- in a good way. I want to develop the passion for Christ that I know is somewhere deep inside of me...and it doesn't happen effortlessly (some of you are might say "duh!"). But sometimes my desperation of wanting this relationship to happen NOW...leaves me feeling depressed and low. I have to be reminded that any strong relationship takes time to progress- even with my Heavenly Father who already knows every aspect of me. That's something that boggles my mind.... He who knows who I really am.....wants me to be near Him? How can He actually have this love for me, the One who knows all of my imperfections? At times I feel as if I dislike myself so much! So how could a Holy God love me? This is noncomprehensible! I want to love Him whole-heartily in return!!!! Even then, it still wouldn't be a love to do Him justice.

My favorite lines in the song are: "Give me a thirst for Thy presence divine." and "Be Thou my joy and my soul's one desire."

-Holly